


Sunflower

by MitchCantWhat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Especially Hinata, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, I feel bad for my baby boy, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, No Smut, Overdose, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Volleyball Dorks & Nerds, Volleyball Dorks in Love, Worried Kageyama Tobio, suicidal Hinata Shoyo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26320288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MitchCantWhat/pseuds/MitchCantWhat
Summary: The last thing  Hinata remembered was the lulling pull of sleep, his eyes dropping; vision hazy. And then, black.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 2
Kudos: 79





	1. The Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Before I kick off this story, I wanted to take a moment to explain a few things.
> 
> Firstly, this is not a romanticized or glamorized version of depression. Depression should never be romanticized or glamorized by you, me, or anybody else. 
> 
> As someone who has struggled with mental health for a long time, this is an outlet of sorts, I suppose. Although there is romance, that is not the entire point of the story, the main focus is on Hinata and his depression, how that potentially stretches or breaks his relationships with everyone [yes, including Kageyama].
> 
> Depression isn't a game, stay safe, and remember, help is always available 
> 
> Tw: depression, self-harm, overdose, hospitals

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

The last thing Hinata remembered was the lulling pull of sleep, his eyes dropping; vision hazy. And then, black.

White, it was blinding. That was the next thing that Hinata could register, then hushed voices. It sounded like . . . His parents, perhaps? A small groan escaped his lips and suddenly the room became silent. Then, a sob. Hinata tried to process the sound as his head rolled limply to the side. Through the fog of his mind, he could make out his mother and father's silhouettes. They seemed worried? Why? Why would they be worried?

". . . Oyo, I-I" he heard his mother stutter out. Finally, the ringing in his ears had cleared away, and he tried to blink away the fog. "What happened!" Hinata's mother cried out, in absolute hysterics. His father came to his mother's aid, trying to calm her—to no avail. Instantaneously, guilt rocketed through the boy's body, his heart beginning to pound. What had I done? Hinata was left wondering.

That's when his nervous system kicked in, and his body began rendering the pain, specifically in his right arm. He looked down at the aching spot and noticed an IV taped to his skin, pricking him. At that moment everything came rushing back to him. The boy gasped, sitting upright. He was alive! His vision blurred with tears, and he couldn't help let out a sob. 

Hinata's parents jumped to alarm at their son's sudden outburst, the two wearing a hurt expression on their faces, which only brought Hinata more tears and dismay. Amidst his panic, it felt as if his throat constricted, and he couldn't breathe. Oh god! Was he suffocating? The boy screwed his eyes shut, his grip latching onto the sheets that laid neatly upon his bed. He was trying to ground himself, and he was failing miserably.

Soon, through the tears he watched as a doctor entered the room, holding a needle? Soon, the red-headed boy felt a prick and his blood pumping. Whatever they had put in his body, it was being rejected. Minutes later, that's when the body spasms began. He began feeling an intense restlessness, his body felt like it was on fire. He had to move! Yet no matter which way he twisted or turned, he could never satisfy his body.

His breathing—which had just begun to calm down—bloomed into hyperventilation once more. Would this end? When? He covered his mouth with his hand, biting down on skin until the metallic taste of blood dripped onto his tongue in an attempt to calm himself down. The pain helped a little, it had momentarily brought him back to reality. That must've been when whatever medication they injected him with began to kick in. Despite his body still spamming from time to time, he was overcome by a sleepiness. As his heartbeat slowed, he felt himself drift off into a restless sleep. 

Pills, a whole lot of them at that. They were spilling out of his hand. He gulped, looking down toward them. He couldn't clearly see them, only the colors. Pink, green, blue, and white. He took a deep breath, trying to ease his racing heart. It wasn't working. Hinata glanced down toward his phone. There came messages, particularly from Kageyama. He had laid down all his thoughts and feelings about the other. Everything. He admitted everything to his best friend. At least, he thought they were best friends. The pair had been inseparable since right around the pre-finals. The two did everything together from eating lunch to walking home to even spending time over the weekends together. They would be "just practicing volleyball", but that was hardly the case, as the two genuinely enjoyed one another's company. It just became natural. A normal occurrence. And Hinata truly did love their time together. 

If you asked the boy, he'd quickly deny it, his face turning to stone. No, why would he like Kageyama? That was ridiculous. But deep down, a small part of him knew the truth. He did, in fact, like Kageyama. Quite a lot, actually. But he buried that part of him away, deep, deep down into the abyss of his mind. He refused to acknowledge or think it. He couldn't. For him to like a boy, let alone his teammate—his best friend, it was a huge no. It wasn't allowed. He couldn't let it happen. The boy was too rough around the edges, anyway. He always hurt Hinata, and Hinata hated that about him. It always left him in tears at the end of the day. The other didn't care about him in the same way that Hinata cared for him. It was obvious.

This was only confirmed when the message read—why was everything blurry?—'Hinata! Dumbass! Why would you write all these things?!' Hinata held back a sob. He shook his head. No, Kageyama wasn't going to make him cry. Not now. Not when it was his final hour. He sighed, grabbing a water bottle, and shaking his head before popping the pills into his mouth. He swallowed it down with the water. He repeated it four more times. It was done.

Hinata woke in a cold sweat, his heart palpitating. It had just been a dream. Oh god. A terrible, terrible dream. Before his eyes cleared, he hoped it had only been a dream, but what his sight revealed to him, it had actually happened. He looked around, he was in the hospital. Damn it all. He had really done it, didn't he? God. Maybe Kageyama was right, he was a dumbass. Always has been. Always will be. He hated himself more at this moment that he thinks he ever did in his life. 

He had taken a look around the hospital, trying to distract himself from his raging thoughts. He turned to his mom—who was considerably calmer now—and softly asked what day it was. His mother ignored his question, quickly explaining how he had been out for three days, and how worried sick he had made his parents.

Once the doctor came back, he took the time to explain some of the medical stuff going on with Hinata, how his heart had stopped—sending him into a three-day-long coma. The doctor seemed to skip over a lot of details, but Hinata wasn't complaining. He really didn't want to hear about himself dying and coming back to life. It scared him—a lot. He didn't want to acknowledge it, he rather just forget. 

After the doctor had left, Hinata shakily turned to his mom, asking for his phone. He wanted to read the texts he had received, particularly from Kageyama. As he gingerly took hold of the phone from his mother, he found that the shaking wasn't stopping. His phone was practically dead, only on seven percent. He had a lot of notifications, especially from Kageyama. The boy took a deep breath and opened the latest notification. It read 'Dumbass???' From this morning. 

Hinata bit back tears. Did Kageyama actually care about him? From the past three days there had been six text messages. Three from two days ago, two from yesterday, and one from today. A smile lit up onto Hinata's features despite his situation as he took a deep breath to calm himself. Quickly, he typed a simple 'Hey, Kageyama-kun.' He lingered over the send button for about a minute or so before finally actually hitting send. 

The reply was almost instantaneous, and it got Hinata's heart pumping as he read over the words, 'hold on dumbass, I'm coming to the hospital.' 

Anxious, that's how it made Hinata feel, and excited—but mainly anxious. Was Kageyama going to hurt him? What if he did? The boy really wasn't in the mental space for Kageyama's asshole personality right now. 

Before Hinata knew it, twenty minutes had ticked passed. Within another five minutes, he found himself staring at the scowling face of Kageyama Tobio. 

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━


	2. A Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama made his way over to Hinata's bedside silently, his scowl never easing. It made Hinata gulp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, this chapter is short as shit, I apologize.

Kageyama made his way over to Hinata's bedside silently, his scowl never easing. It made Hinata gulp. 

Hesitantly, Hinata's parents shuffled out of the room to give the boys some space. It was a blessing and a curse; a blessing in the sense that they had their privacy, but a curse in the sense that now Kageyama had free range to do whatever he wanted. 

Blankly, Hinata stared at Kageyama, unsure what to say or how to break the tension. He Was waiting for Kageyama to speak first.

After a long minute of staring one another down, the raven-haired boy finally gave in, speaking first. Hinata expected the other's voice to come out in a booming yell, but he was taken by surprise when Kageyama's voice came out in a murmur, "Hinata," he started. We're his hands shaking? Or was Hinata just seeing things? He wasn't so sure. Kageyama struggled out the next part, "why?" The other asked, his voice strained. He seemed really out of it and tired. It made Hinata's heartache. Why did he sound so upset? 

When Hinata went to speak, the words got lodged in his throat momentarily. He found himself speechless. Promptly, he shook off his surprise and forced himself to speak, he tried for an energetic and teasing tone. "That's a loaded question, Kageyama-Kun" but, his voice had quivered, breaking his light-hearted persona. He supposed when your dancing with death—it was rather hard to act as if everything was okay. Kageyama's worries expression broke. "Dumbass!" He growled, stepping closer. Hinata winced, bracing himself to be grabbed, his heart ricocheting off his ribs. Silently, with his eyes, he pleaded not to be harmed by the other. This look made Kageyama back off, to Hinata's surprise. 

Kageyama cleared his throat, looking down at the ground with clenched fists. Hinata watched him carefully, unsure of what to say. Honestly, both boys were a mess. Hinata because of his situation with being in the hospital and Kageyama seemed to be a worried mess over Hinata. 

Why? Hinata couldn't figure it out. It seemed obvious enough, with Hinata's sudden outburst and attempt anyone would be worried, but Kageyama wasn't just anybody. He was mean, rude, and ruthless when it came to everything. Although...he wasn't being so mean, rude, and ruthless right now. In fact, he seemed rather worried, upset, and rattled, and although it was strange, Hinata couldn't help but appreciate it. He liked this softer version of Kageyama. The red-head decided to relish in it while it lasted since he knew it would wear off eventually, and probably rather soon at that.

Kageyama's next actions surprised him quite a bit. After the taller boy had backed off, he itches the back of his neck as he struggled out an "a-are you okay?" It made Hinata smile, honestly, at this moment he seemed so sincere. In another way, though, it also hurt that Kageyama couldn't produce these emotions under typical circumstances and that it had taken something so drastic to show he cared. 

Finally, Hinata responded, his voice echoing in the small room. "Now I am, yeah!" With an abrupt nod of the head.

Kageyama didn't seem to buy into it, and he shook his head, not accepting the answer. "Dumbass! Don't lie to me!" His voice held no malice despite his narrowing expression. It made Hinata jump, his arm felt like it was on fire from the sudden movement. God, he couldn't wait to get out of this hospital. 

"I-" Hinata's voice faltered, and he sucked in a breath. Why did he feel like crying? His eyes stung and he shook his head, defeated momentarily. "I'll survive" he murmured. "Damn right you are—who else could possibly replicate our freak attack?" He nodded his head, seemingly pleased with himself. Was that supposed to make Hinata feel better? Whether it meant to or not, it did, just a little. The thought of playing volleyball with Kageyama enticed him and gave him something to look forward to. How could he just forget about that? Crazy, what your mind does when it's at it's lowest. 

"You're right," he said. "Practice at my house when I get out?" His voice was half questioning, half pleading. He really didn't have anything else to look forward to. "Of course, stupid. When are you getting out of here?" Hinata shrugged, "hopefully tomorrow, now that I'm awake." Kageyama considered the words before he nodded. "I'll be over tomorrow, then" he decided, inviting himself over. Hinata was in no state to argue, so he simply nodded, a soft smile across his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  
> Hours: Available 24 hours.   
> 1-800-273-8255

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide prevention hotline:
> 
> 1-800-273-8255


End file.
